Jesus: Look not at what others have. Or if you must look at what they have, then look deeply, and you'll see that all hurt, all suffer, all have pain in one form or another, and I've made your cross, as I have everyone else's, tailor-fit just for you, just what I know you can take and what will make you into what I need you to be.

On My Birthday

You know how there is certain things in life you wish you could change about yourself....well one of my main ones would have to be not to blush.
I knew this was going to happen even before I got here, in Italy. Why do my fears come true?!
I am in the dining room & Dan comes in with a crowd of people with guitars & they begin to sing Happy Birthday, but no the don't stop there they go on to sing that wonderful song "Marianne". I hate that song soooooo much!!! If I ever meet the guy who wrote that.......
Then they go on to sing "She's a Jolly Good Fellow". Lord, it never ends.
Well, what is the main point of XD....I guess to learn & grow & I guess in my case to be totally humbled. When you met me next there will probably be nothing bottle breaking for me....I will be well on the way to not care what people think & if there is a God of love; unable to blush.

When I am Gone

When I am gone do not look for me under the shade of a tree.
Do not search for me on the ground
Look up into the sky for I am soaring there

When I am gone do not look for me in the tall grass
Do not search for me beside the stream
Look deep into the water for I am swimming there.

When I am gone do not think you shall find me in any of the places I use to love on this old earth
Look for me where you would never think to look & you shall find me there.

M.C.

Found an old family pic...me with black, curly hair. Yes, you must see it to believe it. Hee hee

It's just another day

This to shall pass:
this life
this world
these moments
these times
the pain
the struggle
the fears
the anger
And when it all shall pass
there I shall find You and I shall be complete.

M.C.

How smart is a one year old?!

Well, I wanted to find out, so I gave my nephew a match & told him to poke his mom in the boob. He did it & when he saw me laughing freakin hard he keep right on at it. Hee hee...
I love kids....they are so fun to tease, bite, tickle & annoy!!! Thank God for people willing to have them.

Sometimes the last person on earth you want to be with is the one person you can't be without!

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

“The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.”

“Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

What is love?
Love is what words can not express
What eyes can not see
What ears long to hear
What hearts want to feel
Love is that feeling that you just never feel.


M.C.

"If the truth was told instead of a lie, then the pain would go away sooner and not hurt as much."

"Everything is alright in the end. If it's not alright, then it's not the end."

"Love is like a tree in the four seasons of change. It can either bloom and blossom into a warm, loving relationship, or it can slowly turn, fade, and die, and grow unbearably bitter and cold."

"I believe the saddest thing in life, is caring so much for someone and then one day you look into their eyes and listen to them talk and realize that they are gone. All you see in front of you is a stranger with just a known name."

Yum! Minus the eye make-up. This is the kind of body I like slender, but muscular.

Now I've told you all before, I was, am, a sex goddess in heaven. I have a body sort of like this, but Lordy Lordy better. So yea, be careful. Scorn me on earth...heaven maybe a sadder place for you, or just less pleasurable. Joking...sort of.

Mom's b'day

Went dancing last night. Music was just okay. It's funny they have Latin blood, but they can't dance to save themselves. So when you get up and dance normal the mens eyes nearly fall out of their heads. You spend a lot of the night gently removing hands from off of your body & smiling sweetly & saying "No thank you. I don't wish to have you grinding against me." Oh well, men will be men.
Then they put Romanian music on. It means it's time to go home when they all start dancing to that. Who dances to folk music at a club?!
Funny thing, we get up to dance at the end, come back & they had taken our drinks. The waitress comes back & says you have to have one person always at the table or we take it. Totally crazy, only in Romania! Don't I just love this place.

Hum....

The last 2 weeks have seemed the longest 2 weeks of my life.
I think I went through more than I have ever gone through emotionally, mentally, and physically.
I am looking forward to leaving this house, to going to Italy.
I want to forget the past & enjoy the future.
I think Italian men will be perfect for that & the large crowd of Family members I will be with.
I want change in my life.
New places, new people, new everything.
I just want to pick up, leave & never return.
I wish life was that easy.

"There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence."

So we were going to go out to a salsa club, but we couldn't find it. A friend ask a group of guys for directions to the salsa club & one of guys' says "Which sexy club do you want to go to?" Silence prevails in the car till I burst out laughing. The guys' like "Well that is what I heard you ask."
Men often only hear what they want to hear....hee hee

My Lover

How I love my love

He is my heart; my soul

He takes me to places I've always longed to go.

I search Him in the twlight

I long for Him at noon

I seek Him in the slients of the mornings grayish hues

I cannot live without Him

He is my all, my breath

Oh take me lover, take me unto your warm sweet breast!

Sept.10,2007

M.C.

My Lord whispers

I feel I have no more tears left within me to cry and yet I cry some more...

I thought that I was strong that no man could bring me down, but I found that I was wrong...

He doesn't want me strong...

He doesn't want me whole...

I hear His gentle voice whisper

I only want your soul

Take it Lord, break it..it is already broken.

Take it and remake it for I have no use of the old.

Sept. 10,2007

M.C.

Today I felt like this song. I love Dave....

Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight,
Its 2 am, Im drunk again,
Its heavy on my mind, its heavy on my mind.

I could never love again,
So much as I love you.
Where you end, where I begin,
Is like a river going through.

Take my heart, take my eyes,
Cause Ill need them no more.
If never again theyll fall upon,
The one I so adore.

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
He broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill move on.

One drink to remember,
And another to forget.
How could I ever dream to find a love like this again?
One drink to remember, another to forget...

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Would you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
He broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill move on.
One more drink and Ill move on.

You think of things impossible,
Then the sun refuse to shine.
I woke with you beside me,
Your cold hand lay in mine.

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
He broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill go...

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
He broke my heart, my grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill move on,
One more drink and Ill move on.
One more drink my grace is gone.

Sept. 5, 2007

Why?

Watching someone I cared about leaving on a train, these words came to my head:

Why is it when you love someone they become beautiful to you?

Is it because they were beautiful all along, but before their flaws stood out and once you love them those fade into the background?

Why is it that love is something you fight so hard against and yet when it hits you you are defenseless to be rid of it?

What is it within us that causes us deep down inside to want to love and be loved?

Why do you always love those you can't have or who won't love you?

Why is love such a crazy thing and yet what the whole world yearns for?

Sep 1, 2007

M.C.

The sweetest man I know...

A sweet friend asked me to marry him. I had to say no, but look what he sent me.
I love him, he is so sweet.

We are friends from far away.
When we talk we always have something to say.
Our lives so different yet the same.
Every night we play the game.
We talk of families and about our day.
I always wonder if there's more to say.
Could it have been different for you and I?
Or was fate decided before we could have tried?
For now we play our parts, that's all that's left;
Never knowing if our hearts would have met.
Two people from far away, always asking, "How was your day?".

One of my favorite poems...maybe because I will never feel this for another person.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Queer words for a queer world!

As I lay in your arms & felt you jerk away
Knowing full well why you did it & you not having a clue that I knew.
I knew right then way God made me to have a heart of stone...
Other girls would cry & weep & have a heart that's broken
but me you see I cry no tears
my heart is whole minus a sliver where little drops of blood trickle.

Jul 29, 2007



M.C.

Longing

Longing

If this life is all there is

If there is no tomorrow

If I will leave this world in my sleep

What will I be remembered for?

What have I accomplished in my life?

What have I done that I can say I am proud of?

Who will say I was their friend?

Who will remember me?

Who will miss me?

Life is made up of all these questions...

Questions I don't have the answers to.

The only hope I have is the knowledge of a God of love..

He only will answer these questions for me.

He alone will calm the pain in my heart.

He alone will be there at the end to welcome me back to my long lost home

How I wait for this day

How I long for this day

How I wish this day would come soon

It's coming

It's soon

It's here

May 22, 2007

M.C.